Does falling in love cost you friends?

If it’s true… don’t you think is sad?

I wasn’t planning to blog today: it’s Friday and I’m busy trying to wrap up my week and enjoy the weekend.
However, I ran into this article from the Toronto Star: Falling in love costs you friends and now I’m so curious to hear what you think about it!

“A new U.K. study contends that people in committed relationships tend to have two fewer friends and/or family members in their inner circle of relationships. For most of us, this key support group contains four to six people, those we turn to on a regular basis and the people we would most count on in a crisis”

“Those in a relationship tended to average out around four, including their partner. Single people averaged five– an extra family member, plus an extra friend (minus a partner).”

The whole story seams to come down to the fact that single people simply have more time. But is it really like truth?
I personally think a relationship should be  something that only adds things to your life, and if instead deprives you, maybe it’s just a wrong relationship, or those friends that you don’t see so much anymore are not so important to you.

But I have to recognize this is not the perfect world, and this is much easier to say than to do. Every day life can be terribly busy and make you lose the right point of view. Procrastinate those dinners and coffees can be sometimes just  a way to survive on your extra-busy-I-don’t-even-have time-to-grub-my-lunch schedule!

“Dunbar has also noted that friends occupy three concentric circles in our lives.
At the core are those four to six people we see at least once a week. Burton notes that there is no perfect number for this circle.
“The optimal number depends on what you want out of those relationships,” Burton says. “I believe that people are quite good at optimizing that number.”So, some may concentrate their friendship resources on two very close friends. Others may choose to hold 10 people tightly, though they must more carefully portion out their attention.
One level outside the core includes acquaintances who we might see at least once a month.
At the outer level are those who we see infrequently but for whom we’d feel a sense of loss were they to die – the so-called “sympathy group.”

Even if I would love to have a even bigger group of friends now that I am in a relationship (his friends – or part of them, sorry – and mine) it’s not easy. Sad but true!

What do you think?

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10 responses to “Does falling in love cost you friends?”

  1. bendedspoon says :

    not really lost
    but lesser meetings
    due to new priorities
    specially if there are kiddos.
    sad if you’re not understood
    glad if you both know
    that you still both care for each other :)

  2. Circe says :

    I agree I think it’s sad but true, there’s just so much to do day to day, I think cutting friends is a way to keep our social lives manageable.

  3. allan says :

    Unfortunately for most people we don’t have enough time in the day to do all the things we would like to. So We have to choose. A loving relationships is a great thing. Having that special someone to love, changes you. I think for the better. You have someone to devout time to, and share each others passions. With change those who are in and out of your circle will change. I think as long as you are happy with the change in your life it’s not a bad thing to loose a friend or two and gain a partner.

  4. Mrsjarette says :

    This article is so sad but true.. I just got married and it’s crazy how your friends disappear… I know from experience…. Great post!

  5. Angie Levesque says :

    I enjoyed reading this post. I think It’s all about balance. When I was younger in a long-term relationship, I had less of my own friends. But now it’s the opposite, I understand how important people are to me so I have more of my own meaningful friendships! It’s good to have friends that like different things that you enjoy. I mean everybody needs a shopping buddy! :)

  6. Sera says :

    I think friends it’s quality, not quantity that matters. A good friend understands.

  7. Jim O'Connor says :

    I would imagine that it is mostly true that we tend to have fewer but probably more secure relationships when we are in a secure relationship of our own. It seems likely that people in relationship have more restrictions on their time when running to diaries instead of one. There are other things as well that make this seem likely. People in relationships do different things to single people. The whole purpose and intention of their lives changes a least a little. But if they intend to go on and do the family thing then it changes a lot. When I was single I sort friendships as much for social support engagement and entertainment as much as I sort them for friendships. But if I am really honest since becoming married I am far more interested in focussing on loving my wife and kids. It really doesn’t seem like a loss just a different experience.

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