Just married? Read about divorce

Finding out how articles about divorce can make you see your working marriage in a different prospective

A coworker – married less than 2 years – showed up at the office the other day with a big smile and a copy of Divorce Magazine. She said she found it for free at the grocery store.

“Whaaaat?  – I said – I didn’t even know there is a magazine about divorce! I want it” (I have been married about 6 months)

Of course my curiosity has nothing to do with me wanting to get divorced, I just want to read it!

So I googled it and found the website. Honestly, inside of me, I was feeling a little guilty: “Am I suppose to be reading this?” I thought, but I didn’t stop.

I soon realized that divorce – as well as weddings – is a business.

Beside that, I found lots of articles that really shocked me.
The first was about a study that shows how love isn’t enough to power marriage, which I found very discouraging and realistic.

“Love by itself is a pretty flimsy foundation for a marriage,” stated W. Bradford Wilcox, the study’s co-author. “Marriage is about a long-term commitment, thick and thin, kids, money — all that stuff. But in our day and age, as people have developed more independence, there’s been much more focus on just the emotional dimensions of married life.”

I always thought you can deal with everything in life as long as you have love, but maybe reality is different. I’m starting to see that, and honestly I do not like it.
Once you know it’s not about love anymore, what do you have? What can make you believe in your marriage more than your own feelings?

Apparently mine is just a romantic vision of marriage, that does not work in real life! Great!
I wonder, should I have discovered this Divorce Magazine 6 months ago??? – Did I say that out loud? -

The second, Parent of first-born baby girl more likely to divorce shocked me even more:

“Fathers are significantly (three per cent) less likely to be living with their children if they have daughters versus sons,” the researchers declared (…) And if a couple had three daughters, the divorce rate jumped up 10%.

Ok, I didn’t see that coming.
Yes, of course if I’m going to have a baby, he would like to have a boy,while I would prefer a girl! But I have never thought this could be what it will come down to.

Is it really it? I mean, is this really what marriage is today?
It’s almost like a disease that you can not run away from. Of course you always think it is never going to happen to you… and then….

I’m not sure if I’m happy to know those things now, so I’m aware and I can try not to fall on these obstacles, or do I have to start praying for a baby boy!!!!!

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4 responses to “Just married? Read about divorce”

  1. Circe says :

    this is an enlightening post, so thanks for it. I agree with the first article that love isn’t enough for a marriage. I love my finance, but we did enjoy the same lifestyle, or have the same perspective on money, at the end of the day, love wasn’t enough to overcome these obstacles.

    That being said, a solid, loving foundation where two people respect each other has to be the starting point, if that’s in place, I believe people can adapt to their partners and meet in the middle. I don’t think marriage is doomed, it just requires work.

    • gianni Lovato says :

      Amen to marriage requiring work. Unfortunately we often think that it’s the other person who needs to do it.
      As for the alleged “study” and its results, I would trust anything written on a magazine that seems to be hell-bent on maximizing the “business” of divorce just as much as I would trust the latest issue of “Brides Today”.
      But never mind me: my own marriage went south after 30 years, so what do I know?

      • elenasc says :

        What do you mean? Brides Today can be very….. very…… useful!!!

        • gianni Lovato says :

          Sorry, but I have always been very skeptical of anything mostly driven by the profit motive.
          History and personal experience have done nothing to change my views; on the contrary: particularly in the last quarter century the greed of a few and the gullibility of the many has undeservedly given the capitalist system a VERY bad name.

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