When you blog in a language that is not yours
I am struggling between my need to express myself and a language – English – that I don’t know
I’m not sure if you can “own” a language, or if it’s the language that “owns” us.
I started my blog six months ago, and I actually love it. I love the power of blogging and getting feedback from my readers.
However I am struggling.
English is not my first language, and I have never had the chance to attend a writing class – it’s of course on my to do list. But it’s not easy. I work until 8pm six days at week, for a pay check that pays rent and grocery. I think most people can understand.
Writing has always been part of me even before my birth. My grandmother was a strong feminist who didn’t feel ashamed to write about her mother wearing man’s clothes to be able to attend simple house parties. She has always written, as well as my Mum.
I started writing very early, and I have never stopped.
In my childhood my writing skills were reason of pride for me and my family, in my teens it was a way to express myself and go through difficult moments. Eventually I’ve also learned to express myself in different ways loving life again, but my first love will always be writing.
Sometimes writing is a need.
My decision to start a blog was connected to the decision to write in English. First because this is the language of the place where I live now, second because I really want to get better.
I presented my “naked” posts to the world knowing they were weak and I need to work hard.
In these six months I’ve had very nice response, lots of nice and kind comments. Feedback from people makes me much happier than big numbers in my site stats, but I can feel there is something wrong.
I just wish I was able to write as good as I write in Italian. I wish I could be able to use the language and shape it following my thoughts. I know what I can do, and now that I opened myself to the world I feel the pressure to do better.
I think my readers deserve it, and I know I have to give 100%. It’s not only for the readers, it’s for me.
But again, English is not my first language. I do not have the knowledge that I need. So maybe my 100% is just not enough! Maybe I’m just not able to write a blog in English.
Despite the fact that I don’t have lots of free time, I can really say I put a lot of work on my posts. It’s hard, but I enjoy it.
I can honestly say I do my best, but I do make lots of mistakes, mistakes that I don’t even see.
I’m aware of this. Sometimes I just want to quit.
I know there are people who clearly think my blog is poorly written and not enjoyable. It’s understandable: while surfing the Net, people want to read interesting topics and not deal with spelling and grammar mistakes.
So now, I am here, talking to you. It would be great to understand what you really and honestly think. I won’t get offended.
I don’t want to give up, but the purposes of my blog enjoying writing and make others enjoy what I write.
There is no enjoyment if I spend my time worried about the mistakes I do not see, and what the world is going to think about me.
Imagine being a chef, cooking is you passion. But when you have to cook for others you are not able to boil an egg.
What would you do?