Breaking the legend about Italian men

Wow, I can see you guys already shaking, and ladies all over the world looking for tissues!

I really don’t want to be mean, in fact I don’t have any reason to do that.
So, before you will, I am going to say it: no, it did not happen. No Italian man broke my heart leaving me with an insatiable need for revenge. Actually, if I have to tell it all, I do not judge, label or categorize people based on thier nationality or anything else beside the way they are.

However I feel I have to talk about this topic because everybody asks me about! And of course I will answer saying what I think. It’s just my opinion.

When I say I’m Italian, all the women look at me with freak smiles, whispering : “Uuuhh! Italian men!”, and I usually lift my shoulders forcing a smile and thinking: “If you say so”.

The truth is that Italian men are nothing special… (mmhh, did I say that out loud?). Well, please let me explain.

As a girl who was born in Italy, raised in Italy, and who spent my first quarter of century there, Italian men are the ones I was dealing with on a daily bases. At school, at home, on TV, on the street, that is the kind on man I grew up with as Italian, and like most of the things about life, you don’t really understand them until you get outside, look from a distance and maybe see something different.

The legend says Italian men are romantic gentlemen, but the reality is they want to take off your underwear much faster – if possible – than any other man. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, especially if they know how to do it, and if this is what a woman is looking for.

Let’s say that, in some cases, it’s enough for them so say “I’m Italian” to pick up a woman. Something I will never understand, but that is why they like foreign women, even if  I also believe they simply see in them an easier prey.

These non Italian women should know that Italian men do not have any special power, and if they have one it does not work with Italian women. Maybe it’s just because we are used to it, but the compliments and beautiful words…. Whatever! They really do not make any deal with Italian women, who usually roll their eyes knowing that 99.9% are lies.

Forget the romance, sex moves the whole country, and that is why you see naked women on TV the whole day, or if a guy see’s a girl on the street he HAS TO GO to bother her…. otherwise he’s not a “man”.

I understand they can be charming, but the idea that all the Italian men are like Casanova is just wrong. It’s not even true that all of them know how to dress, or that they do not shower!

They work hard, they love their families and they love women, in all sizes an shapes. But can’t you say the same for all men?

They are just men who knows how to play because women – foreign women – approach them in a different way!

Also, Italians are funny and love life, but just because 80 percent of them read The Bible or Dante’s Divine Comedy – just because you HAVE TO in school – it doesn’t mean their pick-up lines are more poetic, and more important, it does not means they will love you more or better!

Anyway ladies, whatever it works for you. But if you are looking desperately for an Italian man, there are some things you need to know:

  • Do not expect flowers every day, that won’t happen;
  • Be ready to give up on your job and be a housewife. I’m not saying that will happen, but it’s a possibility;
  • If you don’t cook, you will, so learn!
  • If you cook, be ready to change everything you do. Your food will be always and perennially compare with his Mom’s. Good luck!
  • They are not very familiar with stuff around the house, but if you are extra lucky you could find a man who cooks very very well. In that case, marry him!
  • Do not, ever, plan anything for the weekend. Saturdays and Sundays the Serie A – Italia soccer league – is playing. Then, there is Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for all the different European championships.
  • No surprise if he’s 35 and still lives with his family. I actually have  something to say about this. Even if Italian Moms don’t mind to take care of their “babies” much longer than needed, it’s also true that the situation in Italy right now, especially for young people, it’s pretty tough. Often guys are forced to stay at home simply because they don’t have a job.
  • You will have sex EVERY TIME  you two will get together. They wouldn’t know what else to do with you;
  • In the same way you cannot ask somebody to stop breathing, you cannot ask an Italian man to stop flirting, no matter what;
  • Open your eyes: there are bad men everywhere, even in Italy. If you are one of those women who melts when hears “I’m Italian”, well, at least make sure it’s worthy!

Reading all this, however, does not make me think about Italian men, but just men.

No all the Italian men are the same, just because not all the men are the same. Cultural aspect can of course shape somebody personality, but this Italian men thing is just a legend.

But if we have to play the stereotype game, let me tell you: Casanova, Jersey Shore or Super Mario? Casanova all the way through!

If you what to understand women, read  What she really means: translation for men

To learn more about Italian culture, read Things you probably don’t know about Italy – Not the usual list

Read the top post Italian food stereotypes, no grazie!

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51 responses to “Breaking the legend about Italian men”

  1. Fragolina says :

    What you said about Italian men, that every woman fall for them because they are Italian, is true. Maybe ‘coz they speak Italian, and Italian is a beautiful, romantic, musical language, and ‘coz we believe that every Italian is handsome. This type of men do exist everywhere, the thing is that the percentage is high with Italian men.

    • ak says :

      I can only talk about my Italian husband. I m english and we have been together 11 years. I can say that all out arguments are over cultural differences. He is more immature and nieve than english men i know of his age. He phones his mum everyday and reports everthing we do especially the trivia which my parents would find boring. He is a great cook, brilliant around the house but a dreadful comunicator, can t flirt and thinks that women just want you to do stuff for them not that they want mental stimulation. He is very sweet and nice but looks for a mother figure in me which drives me mad. He is obsessed with sex and football and being metrosexual. He is often more feminine than me! I wish he wasn t so naeive i find it so unattractive. In my experience english men are much more manly than Italian men. Help! Anyone else have a similar experience with their Italian husbands/ boyfriends?

      • MA says :

        I can honestly say, while with an Italian man for three years, that I do and don’t agree with the above mentioned post and the legends of an talian man. However what AK has to say is much closer to the truth. It isn’t true that all foreigners fall for lines because we also have lines in our own countries which we do not fall for, but alas when on holiday, as the expression goes “when in Rome do as the Romans do.” So like being in Spain, or Cuba or whatever country you happen to find yourself in, one can’t help but be entranced by charm, charm of all that is different from what we know and see daily. Charm is charm and Italian men are charming, accent included. They still have a masculinity that is inviting and they can make you feel particularly feminine however in that same instant they can make you feel disgust. Most still do live with their parents. Most do still pay for everything although a large part don’t anymore. And most still believe in being chivalrous again by their own rules. That being said, my boyfriend of 3 years, cooks, cleans and lived on his own, but this is a rarity. I don’t think affording an apartment is an excuse, truth be told, Italian men are comfortable in their environments and often do not wish to change them. They prefer the known to the unknown and certainty as opposed to challenges and difficulties. They like life being as easy as it can be and anything to hard, too difficult or too regulated will be greeted with a “ma va fanculo.” As with Ak, my partner and I have fought on many occasions about our cultural differences, a battle between my North American Mentality versus the Italian Mentality and the things a “proper” woman should and shouldn’t do, versus what I grew up doing and the liberties I had doing them. The “proper lady etiquette” in relation and in comparison to what an ‘Italian woman” is like and what the society here expects from them. This in itself a contradiction because I have never see so many Italian women be down right catty, mean, trashy and promiscuous. Italian men are difficult men. They like confrontation and they like to argue and they certainly like to talk, so be prepared for an argument to go on in circles because it is about correcting the mistakes it is about who is right. If you grew up on the other side of the world, this can be challenging. Also, the men do expect you to be a lady so they don’t expect you to have an opinion so much or at least voice it. Italy is a country filled with contradictions so while the lady is expected to be a lady, there is the “lady and the tramp” syndrome. They do expect you to be sexy, and well groomed and there is a silent undertone of “speak when spoken to.” “few words are better than many.” They often interrupt you when you are speaking, whether it be with friends, at a table with family and sometimes they don’t even allow you to participate in a conversation often talking over you, or ignoring your presence while speaking. This can be extremely frustrating and you yourself might want to say “go fuck you all.” But take No offense, it’s just cultural. They are not used to women with opinions or strong personalities, but yet they are raised by their mama’s who are strong but spoil them, in that they get to say and do everything they feel without ever having had repercussions. This translates to adulthood and there you have an Italian male. If he likes it, he’ll put up with it, but if he doesn’t, he will gladly let you know. They are also not used to women having intellectual, political conversations, and are often surprised at the intelligence of a North American or Outsider. Their intelligence is validated on how sly a woman can be. If she is really sly, she’s a catch. I particularly am not sly, so I battle with this ideal of it all. They also don’t encourage woman to have ideals or knowledge, dreams and hobbies and may god help if you have a dream outside a societal norm. Most women here are practical and have very little extracurricular activities. They work, most in very practical jobs and their education trains them for that. They also hang out in bars a lot preying on men, usually men who have money or who are taken. Either way they will try. As a result, Italian men have their own idea of women. It is true that they do not really expect mental stimulation and often refer to women as being boring or “rumpe palle.” They will love your differences and all that you represent in being a foreigner but they will hate it all the same because it makes them question themselves and their “masculinity.” Italian men are isolated in a way that their views of the world bring them to be negatively naive and believe that nothing is possible if the outcome is not a BMW or money oriented. They come from a very very materialistic and superficial society where appearances count for everything!! This goes right down to the woman too, so be prepared to always look your best and if you don’t, they do not shy away from telling you. Point is, there is very little manner and politeness in the way they approach things and can be direct. I often thought this is perhaps why German women get along so well with them because I can’t seem to get over the shock of half the things that come out of their mouth. You will find yourself thinking “did you just really say that?” But don’t voice it, or they will think you are too sensitive. They do as AK said, concentrate more on their own beauty then women do. My boyfriend cares more about his looks than me but sometimes it’s just plain laughable. But were he a man who spent more time in the mirror then me, then I would rethink it. As for sex, thank God for their desire because sex with an Italian man can be always spontaneous and fun, and it happens when you least expect it. That’s because they still love the chase but know you are available. But remember, it is just sex…sex is a sport for them, the more the better, the dirtier the better. They have a history of this through television and it has been their education. However the great part of that is that they are ready and willing anytime and they allow you to explore the naughtier side of you. They also get the idea of waking up on a lazy rainy day and having sex as many times that you can. This is wonderful for women who enjoy the same thing but if you are looking for a lover, a sensual lover, it is rare you will find it in the Italian man. They are quick to their goal and often forget you have other body parts. Of course there are always exceptions. When fighting, or arguing, they have an immediate tendency to insult you and your family and your background and your being a foreigner, and often they will compare you to their mother, or sister-in-law but not in terms of cooking, in terms of how those women understand their men and instead of speaking up, or fighting back, Italian women just permit the men to vent. This can be difficult as arguing in Italian is a whole education on its own. I have not mastered it, and find myself being too wordy when really I should just send them off. I think most men compare foreign women to their own because they look at themselves and a part of them feels lesser to you, who has lived abroad and therefore project their own insecurities at having someone beside them who has experienced more. Or perhaps they sometimes feel a little inadequate. As for sports, I am soooo lucky my boyfriend hates watching soccer, but I love it so then again..sometimes differences work and sometimes they don’t. It’s true you won’t get flowers, but Italian men are romantic and will surprise you in other ways, but then again, a man who brings me flowers everyday whether Italian, American or English isn’t someone I really wish to be with. What i wish for is respect and tolerance and patience, appreciation and that can take whatever form it wants. Italian men are a really really difficult species of man to understand. They want their independence but love to be coddled. They want to be grown-ups but act like spoiled children when they don’t get what they want. They are Quick to the tongue but offend easily should they be insulted and they are cheeky. They can be known to have little patience and sometimes can be rather disrespectful. The language although beautiful, is also a very dirty language and they cuss and swear at everything including you sometimes in which case they respond with “I am not offending you, I am just being honest.?” In which case you are likely to reply “what the f*&^%$k???? It is true that most Italian men don’t know what to do with their women, because they just aren’t used to seeing them as equals and perhaps they get bored. Their minds are quite simple. I call it the M syndrome. Money, Motos, Making Moves. Apart from thinking with their lower heads, they are not used to having hobbies, or interests therefore they will demand a lot of your time, this can be a beautiful thing because they see you as a companion but it’s also contradictory because if you demand for theirs, you are a ball buster. They take a lot of getting used to and as I continue to study my own addiction to my own beautiful partner, I am often left baffled. They are a Mystery. Apart from this, there is lots to love and adore in an Italian man, if you find the right one. They do have a loyalty to their girls even though they are always flirting. Anything with a skirt and heels whether you are in sight or not, with an Italian man, he will most likely look over your shoulder, turn his head to stare at her and lose himself in the distraction of the opposite sex. This can be frustrating, I recommend doing it back, it’s the only way they get it. They love talking so will talk to you for hours, about what?? Well it usually pertains a lot of this and that but anything really. Nonetheless, for an Italian man, the women are their companions and Italian men do confide in them about almost everything. Sidenote** this unfortunately is also spread to the family. Be aware that if you do something or say something, no matter how little, it will be made public. Confidentiality does not exist in an Italian household or with an Italian man. An Italian man is quick to air your laundry….perhaps wanting validation on how silly his woman is, or perhaps it’s sheer humiliation, but nonetheless, always keep your composure and give them nothing to air and nothing to throw back at you. I would say, if you wish for a long life of serenity and happiness, for a life hat is a little less complex, and a little less dramatic, opt for a Spaniard (lol) because Italian men loooove drama. The street is their stage, well they find their stage really just about anywhere and their anger often mistaken for passion, is pure anger, frustration and intolerance on behalf of humanity but mostly aimed at the beaurocracy of their country. They can very generous but be aware this will be thrown back in your face, perhaps even counted. So prepare your ammunition. Their curiousity, although I wish to think better of it, is sometimes sheer looking for opportunity. Their jealousy can at times be charming however do what your mamma taught you and “DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS” It is enough to spark a kind of outright intolerance of another male and your naivety as a really horrible thing. As a North American, I am used to talking to strangers simply for conversation purposes but here “simply anything” doesn’t exist and the purpose is always one. TO GET YOU TO BED. Therefore be aware of tiny fits of jealousy at which you must must must be in a position to reassure him. (Again feeding that masculinity) An Italian man loathes anything that challenges this and so knowing this, I think if you find yourself with one, you might be able to follow all the precautionary measures and live harmoniously with your Italian Stallion!!!! :)

        • dawn Graziani says :

          After reading these entries I had to turn immediately to my husband and ask if he were really Italian (smile). I am an American married to an Italian. For the past years we have gone between the countries but have now moved permanently to Italy. Over the past years I can say our largest difficulty would have to be his living with his family and his mother in particular and then leaving that. I can be frustrated only because it is difficult for them to accept me; actually my daughters and I are not acknowledged at all and our wedding pictures were very clearly ignored. Please don’t mistake how I say this; it is more a hurt at some of the ways I have been treated but the difficulty has been more at how hurt I see my husband feeling as a result to this. My husband is supportive and old fashioned. I understood when we first were together that he was very attached to family and very old fashioned. He is sweet, he loves his family and he will do anything for me without my asking; just to make me happy. The one thing he can’t do for us is something he has tried to do and felt horrible at not being able to; he can’t stand up to his family. He moved out and he was afraid to; I know that. I love and respect him more for even trying so hard. You are correct that they have that comfort zone. If you are more gentle and understanding it can help in everything, It has been four years of discussing and trying to solve; he has done a lot. We live about an hour and a half away now and there is still a problem sometimes but he has stopped answering the phone 10 times a day so they can tell him he is horrible for leaving them or that he has to come right now. We both worked to find a schedule to tell them it is acceptable and this was very difficult for him. He does not want to rant nor to argue about everything but actually the opposite, and has never, ever treated me as if I was not intellectual; I had a very low self esteem when meeting him and he went out of his way to talk to me about these things and prove to me I was more intelligent then I thought. Since living here in Italy I can say there are many things the same; each area is different in the small details of how women and men are. The women here where I live are never treated as less intelligent; I am quite certain they wouldn’t allow it. They seem much more open about nudity in both men and women along with style but don’t seem to make it the deal it is in America. Women dress the same; from scant to modest and stylish and are quite strong in making their opinions known. They are cordial and respectful but the same keep a distance until you are very close to them and their family; then they are very warm and affectionate. I see women here work very hard; even helping others without acknowledgement. I am an outsider so am apart from that circle but they are really good women. Young women are the same as American in how they dress and act actually. The only difference I see is how visible the independence is in each country. Here everything is about love and finding another; it is very apparant and no one hides that but it is the same in our country-the only difference is that we work very hard to hide that. Families are very close here; It is my real hope that in the future ours can be as well because this is really wonderful to me. The men and women here are as varied as in my country. Cooking meals is very important here because it is during the time when family should be together; I think I try to cook better for my husband then he even wants me to; to be honest. His main goal is always to help take any stress off of me; even if my cooking is not like his mother’s cooking. He is always trying to be attentive and has always been supportive of any career as well as helpful in the house; especially with my daughters. Some of the reasons I love him so much are because of his culture and how he was brought up; even to his mother. I can be hurt sometimes but also understand because she is a good woman. He does help me choose clothes a lot but is not rigid about that at all and finds humor in it more then anything else. The cultures are different for sure but I think you can’t say men and women are only this way or that way when it is not so. There are many things I am certain I would never see with the ideals of a man from America because they are just not part of our culture; I had to open my own eyes to a different culture to learn. The worst frustration is to try to judge them and see a person as an entire culture instead of to just understand the individual and his own personal life that gave him the ideals he has; even if it is different then yours.

      • Sunshine says :

        I used to date for 2 years an Italian man that is 10 years older than me. Yes, he treated me nice, thought me his mom best receipe in cooking. I was touched and almost wanted to cry. Unfortunately, he is separated married man for almost 4 years when I was dated him. I saw how he fall in love with me and I know deep inside it will never going to last. Did he lies no not at all to me. Our chemistry likes and dislike are almost the same. But my priority is my first choice. We had a great time to each other especially him that he doesn’t want to lose me. Every time I end up the relationship toward him, he is always there to comfort me and told me don’t you worry anymore. When he got married according to him was not for love but he stayed for the sake of the kids. I said bullshit !!!! Long short story I broke up with him finally and move on. I never ignored him if I see him where I hang around. He always there to politely say hello and dance with me. Great !!! mature and respected way. He is a good family provided but not willingly to go back to his wife and she know it already. I am not interested to know after the break up. I move on and I say hello if he say hi to me. It was a big challenge to me to date an Italian man. I don’t know to end this story because he still want even just to for friend. Asked me out for a date but I said: I don’t want to date a married separated man in my life because I learn my lesson. It doesn’t matter either Italian or American.
        Its not good at all. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but its for good. Good luck for those kind of a man all over the world.

  2. A. says :

    In my opinion, women from all the world fall in love with Italian guys just for their accent and for their way to do the “buffoni” the first times. I guess it’s really charming for foreign women… BOH!!

  3. bonzaimy says :

    Ok. i’ve been to Italy but not sure about their man. What I know is, when Italian women speak english, i feel that they are sexy. Have no idea why

  4. bagnidilucca says :

    My first husband was Italian. He was quite charming until I married him and then that stopped. My second husband is Australian. He was quite charming and attentive until I married him and that stopped.

  5. Paola says :

    I am married to the most wonderful Italian man…he can cook and he doesn’t care about soccer. Except for the World Cup. But since that comes only once every 4 years, I can handle it!

  6. notesfromrumbleycottage says :

    I think it is all men who pretned to be charming until they get you. Then it is nothing. Did I mention that I hate it?

  7. eloradaphne says :

    Hahaa this one is good! This habit of attacking you on the street is really irritating. I only wear a short skirt when I am with my husband…or else! Insane!! As always you have some great tongue in cheek posts Elena, sorry I haven’t been reading much lately, but I am very happily catching up now!

  8. Angela says :

    well i am half italian, my mum met my dad on holiday back in the day and? they fell in love.. 18 years later and I’m here.. This year in Italy I met an italian guy who asked if I wanted out for a was my last night before returning home..the walk ended in us kissing..anyways I thought about him a while after, he told me he missed me…I went back to Italy for a week to stay with my nonna and we met again and Il just say we met everynight and what did he want everynight?…yeah you probably guessed right…I wonder if he misses me like I miss him..

    • Bree says :

      Angela, is your dad italian and your mother english?
      I’m sure he misses you too if he is the sincere type :) but still be careful. I have an italian boyfriend but I’m still so careful, he flirts so much but I’m not the type to just believe it when I hear it so i tell him to shut up immediately with all the love quotes. It may seem harsh and kind of…racist of me to create a judgement of him from knowing about the typical stereotype, but i also know he was a player back in the day which doesn’t help does it. He gets very serious about things, intense emotions etc, implies I’ll be the mother of his children someday, that I must give hiim at least 2 strong boys and I won’t have to work instead care for children and look after him and household duties (essentially a housewife) when we live together. So it did send a shiver down my spine but also made me laugh at the “things we need to know” list, they all seem so familiar. Scary considering many italian family friends have told me to stay away from Italian men, they warned me about this kind of behaviour and that Italian girls can handle this because they have grown up with it all their lives and started to prepare at an early age for example cooking at a young age. I can’t say all Italian men are like this but from my experience this is all i’ve known them to be like.
      By the way, I’m an english gal myself

  9. Hayley says :

    Why does it take so long for Italian men to commit? Almost 32 years old and this Italian guy I met a while a go and still converse with says he’s not looking for commitment because he’s enjoying life as a single. Do I give up on him or is there some point when he’ll want a more committed relationship?

  10. Garima Vaishnav says :

    well i met an italian guy who is 17 years older to mebut he looks like in his 30′s i started liking him he flirts with me…now he is away from me but shall be returning in a month ..when he talks i feel a shiver in my body and when he touches me i feel like paradise i know it sounds very dramatic ………but never really felt that way about any other guy .

  11. Kat says :

    This post cracked me up. My first trip to Italy in high school had all the girls swooning, except for me and my friend. I thought Italian men were so freaking irritating. Fact: No one, absolutely no one, is attractive when they won’t shut up and back off. However, it’s not just Italian men (and not all Italian men are like that). It’s every annoying male from every country. Being a female tourist can be irritating, that’s for sure!

    And as far as the things to look out for, I think those can be applied to at least half the male population on planet earth ;)

  12. LoveItalyNA says :

    I love traveling to Italy, the food the culture, the sites. I would say that my experiences fit the rather negative stereotype when it comes to Italian men. Its true they are no different from any other man. I find them more bold actually where they would flirt with me in front of my family, where a North American “player” would not even bother and think it’s too much trouble. And some of the men don’t care if you are in a serious relationship, or if they themselves are in a serious relationship. I do think there is a notion in Europe about the “easy foreigner” . Someone that lives in Italy as a foreigner told me that the men want to be with you, and their women know this so they won’t talk to you or befriend you. Maybe for some Italian men, you are different or exotic because you are from another country.

    But romantic, they were not…they were pretty much cut to the chase, and just wanted one thing. Again not to generalize, there are many guys like that here in North America too. I think that when you grow up in a high tourist area or if you are a grown man living at home and can get “it”, and it works once, you will try it again.I had a rather uncomfortable and awkward experience on a train and the man had on a wedding band!! Yikes. But again, I had a friend who hada similar experience traveling on a train in another foreign country. So where ever you are…be careful. There’s nice people, and people who try to take advantage.

  13. irene says :

    I won’t be mean, but I live about 1 hour away from the Italian border and to be honest I have never seen an italian man that makes me go WOW

    the ones who usually believe in the stereotype of the fabled italian stud it’s naive never been to europe american women!!!

    if something most italian men to come across as fashion obsessed, very hairy for my taste, with a tendency to wear very large amounts of hair product and use excessive amounts of cologne!! also many of them are relatively short and rather skinny.

    I cant even count the amount of American women I’ve come across who come to europe thinking they will land some gorgeous italian stallion who will make her world rock and once they’re here reality hits with italian men and at the end they want nothing to do with italian men!!!

    the most common complain I get from American women about italian men, is that they are too much into beauty and fashion and being skinny…. the second most common complain, they’re too short……

    sorry but I agree, italian men = OVERRATED

  14. sophie says :

    hahaha oh gosh what you just said in this artical is so true!! im an australian falled for an italian calabrian at first great and than i saw sides that i didnt like, haha with your list you put down is all true he wasnt romantic and had to watch the soccor an everything has to be about sex.. i just loved how he see me out i be nice say hi and than he acts as if i dont exisit cos his sister in law would be around cos she didnt like me … aww italians you gotta love them !!

  15. Millasan says :

    Met an Italian guy on a dating website. He’s from Milan and I’m in England. (I had lived in Milan for 4 yrs with my then husband, non Italian) Yep, I fell for his charms and the way he spoke, it was just so sexy. We’d call each other and use Skype. He always gave me compliments and sent texts to say he missed me. Fast forward almost 2 months later – his true colours were revealed when we arranged to meet, either he came here or I go to Milan. He had to sleep with me when I stipulated I would not do that unless we were in a meaningful and committed relationship. He said he wanted a long term relationship but that there was no guarantee? This man is 35, has his own apartment, good job and can cook and I thought he was the ideal man. How wrong was I when he started talking dirty and sent me dirty pics and a video. I texted back saying he was scaring me. He apologised for offending me then promptly erased me from his life completely, blocking me on Skype and Facebook etc. I think he was ashamed or embarassed, whatever it was he did a disappearing act. He worked his way up from being a nice, sincere and decent guy to someone who was only after one thing. It was very fortunate his true nature showed before we met up and I’m now very cautious about men who are too flattering with their words before they’ve even met you.

    • Dee says :

      your reponse was so right, Millasan, I wish more women would respond this way when Italian men respond with the true self. Its very confusing, but if you read between the lines what you will be getting is a nightmare. I hope you find a decent kind man soon, D

  16. g-vegasgirl says :

    Well this is quite a bit of information. I’m a Black female and I’ve been off the dating scene for 3 years after my divorce so I decided to go on a dating website. Just when I was ready to delete my account up pops this beautiful Italian gentlemen asking if I was open to dating outside my race! Well of course I replied yes! Well after some chatting online and by telephone he’s on his way to meet me next week so I started poking around for information. One thing I have learned from some research is Momma will not be happy to see me at her dinner table!lol If nothing else it will be a new and to me an exciting experience! I am not expecting anything out of this at all because I have made it clear I am celibate and most of all he’s 34 and I’m 41 with an 18 and 8 year old child! Amazingly he still wants to meet me! Let’s see how this goes! I have to admit I really do like being called beautiful during our conversations even though I have the feeling he calls a few women by that name! :0)

  17. kristina says :

    I completely agree with this article. I also believe having been with an Italian man for over 6 yrs they r always focused on themselves and their wants and needs. They’re sweet once they get you it all changes.

  18. Taylor says :

    I think to women, (I’m African-American so I can only speak from an American point of view) it’s something different. The accent is beautiful, on women and men, the language is musical and the people seem to be very friendly. I was hit on several times when I was there, and I usually smiled and said a polite no, or a more direct one and I was on my way. It’s also something different for me being that in America I get hit on by the thug like guys going “hey shawty how you doin’” which is definitely a turn off compared to a beautiful Italian accent saying hello beautiful!
    I swoon for Italian man, but trust me I am not easy and If I don’t like something I’m direct and tell it like it is!
    I actually considered going to Italy for fashion school! :)

  19. fab fab says :

    I am an italian man living overseas for almost 20 yrs now. We can be dogs sometimes, it’s true… like every other man… but for sure we have a certain energy that is hard to be found in an anglo-saxon man, or an asian or a german.
    It’s about energy and passion, something very mediterranean: Let me arrogant, when it comes to passion and lifestyle WE WIN!

    Spanish and greeks are nice, but they don’t have our style;

    French are charming and they have style, but they are hard to stand and so arrogant;

    Italians… we aren’t perfect, and we can be really heavy…but…. but…

    come on we have that something special… it’s in our dna :D

    • Lucinda says :

      I have been living in Italy now for four years and I do have to agree with you Fab. Italian men have a particular sense of flair and style which is confident, sexy,and refined. They have an acute awareness of beauty which extends beyond feminine beauty but to all aspects of natural and created beauty. They like nothing better than to share this appreciation with everyone. They are always ready to laugh and see the lighter side of life. However to be balanced I must say as lovable, adorable and damn sexy as they are…and yes they are very sexy and sensual men they can be absolutely crazy-making! The concept of the truth is very flexible and fluid. There is no sense of ” it is the truth or it is a lie”. So be careful not to believe the beautiful sweet nothings that fall from their mouths like honey fresh from the hive. In that moment in time they too may believe in what they are say but that is for the “bellezza” of the scene that you are in and they are the star actor which they are creating! I have had difficulty finding a faithful Italian man – I know they exist, some of them are my good friends. The men in Italy do tend to be self absorbed but as with the other less positive comments I have made the same can be said of men from most other countries. One thing that I treasure about being with an Italian man is that I feel more beautiful, more feminine and more of a woman when I am with them; this along with their charm, beauty and passion for life will keep me loving these complex and impulsive men for a long time to come.

  20. Natasha says :

    Okay…I am with an Italian man. He’s 35 years old. We’ve been together for three years. Honestly, you cannot stereotype or tell people what men of any culture are about. I didn’t read anything here about my boyfriend. Don’t believe the hype. There are all types of men. I’ve been living in Italy for 2 years and my boyfriend has been NOTHING but loving and supportive. His parents love me (we don’t live with them) and I love his mom so much. His family is so warm and inviting and treat me and refer to me as their daughter. Did I mention I am black and it’s never been a problem? I love my Italian man but not because he is Italian. I find him romantic, appreciative, supportive, loyal. He never compares me to anyone. EVER. He’s shy and spends time with me, and we spend time with his family and close male friends and their girlfriends occasionally. His friends are not flirty and they don’t have wandering eyes. He doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink. He works hard and he plays hard. He’s a man. He is unique. He just happens to be Italian. We live in Veneto (not the city). City vs country could be a real factor in how your man behaves. :)

    • Mimi says :

      Brings back memories Natasha. I am also black and was with an Italian from South Italy for 3 years. But unfortunately mamma didn’t like the fact that we were very serious and close to marriage so it ended.But I still love Italy.I try to visit every year.

  21. Ola says :

    Hmmm…this article made me smile a little bit. I have an Italian boyfriend now and I have to say few things – he cooks, does not watch soccer, does not call his mum every day, is quite independent, has a good sense of humour, of course says a lot of lovely lines like “you’re beautiful” and so on but let’s be honest what type of woman doesn’t want to hear that! He likes to flirt with other women but he only does that to make me a little bit jealous because yes, I am jealous! He can be very sweet and by all means is the most mature of all my boyfriends so far. So I think it is better not to overgeneralise about people from different nations. By the way I’m Polish :) Ola

  22. Dee says :

    oh this post made me laugh, and underneath all the comments above is the same line, Cant be trusted, primadonna behaviour, still sleep with their mothers, obssessed with age(underage) unreliable. expect to marry a successful independant woman and then turn her into a slave as a housewife.

    Really to the woman above who believe their Italian man is different, I say wait, give yourself a few years. To those who are looking for a “faithful Italian man” I say good luck with that!
    What is wrong with Italian men? they are catered to and smothered by the mama and then every woman who comes after that.
    Yes What is wrong with Italian men is Italian women, because they allowed them to be such idiots and get away with it.

    To the many foreign girls who fall into the deadly trap of an Italian romance every year, you have my deep pity. I hope you get out with your life still intact. I hope you never have children,because If you chose to go back to your country, those children dont belong to you they belong to the Italian state.
    ITALIAN MEN ARE A JOKE! A VERY SICK JOKE! I hope you are never unlucky enough to to wake up next to one.
    15 years of expeience have taught me one thing. RUN!

  23. luca says :

    OMG girls! i was surfing on the internet and i found this blog.. First thing, that i think you ll consider (fine or bad is up to you :D): I AM AN ITALIAN MAN.
    Anyway i think that you, as other blogs where you can read that italian men are presents sent from GOD to pleasure women (isn’t too much?! ahah), are a bit exaggerating. I don’t think that there are Italian men, French men, Brit men and so on.. but just men. Yes that’s true, every country has its own particular characteristics and culture, and that’s why Italian, French and Spanish are more cheerful than for example Russians; but cultures don’t go so deep into defining people. I personally don’t follow football (yes that’s somehow an exception in Italy) and when I’ve been living in Uk i noticed that English people aren’t worse football followers than Italian ones, as probably Aussies follow rugby and so on. I like cooking, and i have male friends who like cooking as well, while others cannot even recognise a good pasta from a bad one. If i like a girl and i date her, probably i ll bring her some flowers if it is her birthday or there s somehow the occasion, but that s because i personally think that’s a nice idea. i don t feel to blame who doesn’t, probably they do things i wouldn’t do. Anyway i only want to say that we are just men as you are women, we are all different as you are (fortunately). We have some cultural aspects that influence ourselves, but then we mix them with our personalities, so avoid who try to give you rules about how an italian man is, because i don’t think they will work.

    A random Italian Man ;)


  24. glen says :

    I’m an Asian,25 and I’m dating an Italian guy,44 divorced.We’ve been dating for two months now and yes,despite the age gap,I found him irresistible.I don’t know a lot about Italian that’s why I have to research.Good luck to me after reading a lot of similar blogs about Italian men.

  25. Noname says :

    The thing that really got to me was that althought I’d been to Italy a few times before, I went to study there after a few years of living in the Arab (and a little in the Turkish) Middle East (I’m from an English country), so several things struck me. Italian men seemed to think they were charming and attractive to northern women and didn’t understand why I didn’t notice this. After the Arab Middle East and particulary after being used to tuning out mostly meaningless charm and flirtatiousness of my mostly Egyptian male friends, I actually was not aware in comparison of anything like that with Italian males. I only noticed that they thought they were that way and expected me to instantly be taken in by them, but to me they only seemed like other Westerners. Also, I was in the habit of seeing through charm and tuning it out when hanging out with my Arab buddies, and they were much better at the charm than these guys. What I did notice was that Italian men were mostly not very serious about women and could be quite flirtatious, and that they tended not to be loyal to only one woman, and that some of my Italan female friends refused to date Italian guys for this reason plus the mama’s boy thing. The mama’s boy thing can also be Middle Eastern. In terms of the non-seriousness, I’d say Italian men are more similar to Turkish men, who are notorious throughout the Middle East. Oh, and I also noticed that foreign women complained about harrassment with Italian men. Having come from living in the Middle East, I didn’t notice this either and wondered what they were complaining about. I’m always harrassed, but it hasn’t happened to me in Italy (or maybe lol it was so slight there in comparison when it happened that I wasn’t aware of it); I find the men to be comparatively respectful (on the surface, I mean).

    I’ve heard that Italian guys’ mama’s tell them that foreign women all love you for being Italian guys. And yes, I did get it that they thought I was going to fall for them all instantly, but personally to me Arabs are generally better looking (yet I don’t easily fall for them). And no, I didn’t find on the scale of things charmwise much difference between Italian and other Western men, except for the non-serious part which reminded me of Turks.

    I agree with the immaturity and the football. I’ve also seen that immaturity thing in the Middle East.

    Funny thing is, what I felt when I got to Italy after living in Asia and the Middle East was relief to be back in the West for a change. So I didn’t get the people coming there from the opposite direction.

  26. Jess says :

    What you say about Italian guys is true for EVERY GROUP OF MEN IN THE WORLD. All groups of men want to get your underwear off as fast as they can thats not exclusive to any one group. The real reason chicks love Italians is not because of some retarded “romantic” myth crap. They dig them because well between Spaniards & Italians they produce the best looking men in Europe, and all girls know it. Go to Sweden or Germany and look at the men. It comparison they look rather feminine and boyish and passive compared to Southern European or East European men. In the end mature women like MEN, real aggressive men, not boys, who act like they wouldn’t even know what to do with a woman. Which is how most men in Northern Europe act, and when it comes to men Southern Europeans excell in that over all others. The tall, dark, & handsome prefference doesn’t hurt either.

  27. Tanya says :

    I really liked this! Even though I am engaged to an Italian man… But he is half Romanian… Does that matter? Actually I do really like this… My fiancée would too. I’m American… I have a Czech and Russian ancestry… And Irish from my dad… It’s just they have been American so long I don’t count that… But I am first generation on my moms side. My Albe is a Architect engineer and he was a professor at the University of Pavia. I heard some rumors about Italian men (or maybe Latin men in general)… Stuff like they are romantic… And hot in bed… Which is true in his case… But I don’t know if all Italian men are like that… In fact… He is the only Italian I have known probably. He is the sweetest most tender man I have ever met… And possessive and passionate… But it is in a way that is sexy not creepy. What attracted me to him was his dignity elegance and intelligence. As a educated woman… I need an educated man… Met and fell for him because he was tutoring me on two Italian arias I had to sing. Some of the stuff you said seems kind of true but some not… But in his case. But that is what makes this a fun read. Yes we can usually have sex everyday sometimes more then once but part of that is my fault… I can’t help it… However we engage in intellectual conversation all the time… And it’s funny because he loves my cooking but he cooks well too… I am on my phone so I hope I can find this tomorrow to show him… We are good jumper people. He will like it too.

  28. Sheila Perrone says :

    I have been married to a man from Rome (his parents were Sicilan) for 11 years and dated for 3 1/2 years before that. When he met my Father for the first time he sat down with him and was sweating bullets asking my fathers permission to date me. He was 41 at the time, I 32. 17 years later, with no children, I have to say he is a very hard worker but is obsessed with money. He also wants to know how much money everyone else has. He always makes sure that I work all the time, that I bring home a paycheck which I do. Actually I make a very good salary, but if my job ends and in my field that happens, I make sure that I’m back to work ASAP, without fail. They do not bring you flowers. He gave me a rose once on Valentines Day, I almost dropped dead! No birthday presents ever unless he asks you what you want him to get you. No Hallmark cards EVER! He comes first, that is clear. There has never been foreplay, he just hops on whenever he likes. He’s cheap with money also but could bring you out for an expensive meal and pay a fortune for a bottle of wine. Oh, and you can’t ever be down in the dumps, no time for it, so I’m always pretty cheery. If you are lucky enough to go on a vacation (locally) he throughs it in your face when the time is right. But, he is very good to my family and in many ways to me also. He would die if anything happened to me. He does not cheat. He is loyal, but he is completely self absorbed. It’s “me, me me, oh, I work so hard! Oh, FU I say to myself, so do I. He won’t bring me to Italy as its too painful to see his family (v. dysfunctional) which I understand. I think I’ll arrange a trip on my own sometime. I have to put my foot down with him on only the important issues, he knows not to F with me. I am from Ireland. I am low maintainance. He doesnt do anything around the house, ever. To sum it all up, they are money hungry, selfish in bed and your world should revolve around them. Don’t have any emotional needs unless there is a death in your family for example. But I will add, strange and unbelievable as it sounds, he would kill to protect me.

  29. somebody says :

    I love this.

  30. Italian says :

    Most Italian men are handsome with good-shaped face and intelligent. They treat the woman in good manner and respect. They don’t like to date and go. They choose their life partner with care. So, sometimes it takes them a long time to commit or propose.

  31. Ann says :

    There is something i should say, Because of my experience… Italian man are extremely cheap and insecure… sometimes evil-minded they trust nobody. Everything you say or do can be suspicious to them… they think they are very very special…. And yes, they are very attach to their mothers.


  32. Davide says :

    You seem pretty bitter and some of your remarks depict the stereotypical behaviour of italians from rural parts of the country. Did you leave Italy more than 50 years ago? Did you grow up in a small town or in a fascist suburb?

    Please try to stick to “…not judg(ing), label(ing) or categoriz(ing) people based on their nationality or anything else beside the way they are…”.

    Ciao, Davide

    • ElenaSC says :

      Ciao Davide, should I add they do not have sense of humor? Or is it just you?! :)
      Relax, the only bitter one about it seems to be you. Sorry if this touched you so much!

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