Letter to my future first child
I dreamed about you a few nights ago.
You were sitting on the kitchen floor at your nonno‘s in Italy wearing a blue soft rompers and looking at me with big brown eyes. Your dad was close to you, glowing of happiness.
I have never thought about myself as a mother, as a powerful shelter able to raise inside of me a little flower seed until it’s a bud ready to blossom.
I have never thought about you in my life. I have never thought you could be like spring, when every color, every butterfly, every melody makes you smile and re-discover what life is about.
I have never thought I would have started to think about you like I think about the salty ocean smell, the dream of a home with fireplace, and all the other things that make your heart warm.
I have never thought I would be missing something without you in my life, in the same way I thought I was never going to get married or pick up after somebody else’s dirty laundry. I guess these are things you do out of love.
I’m writing to you today, because I know one day I will hold you in my arms. One day you will be a little flower bud inside of me, and then the spring’s sunshine for the rest of my life.
Too often we don’t say things to people when we feel them, and then, sometime, it’s too late. But I want to tell you this, I want to tell you this right now.
There is already so much love for you, no matter where you are right now. You dad loves you to death, and yes, he will even if you will be a girl.
And me…. I don’t really know what a mother is, or how she is supposed to talk, or behave, or feel…. but when I picked you up from that kitchen floor at nonno‘s and I had you in my arms it really felt right.